Sorry, I'm sick today *kaf* *kaf*

Something that continues to amaze me at my current job is the number of people taking sick leave for absolutely inane reasons. Now, I’m not adverse to the occasional ‘mental health day’, and I absolutely do take time off when I’m not feeling well.

There are 3 basic classes of office sick leaver taker-

The hypochondriac- there’s one of these in every office. The permanently sick and afflicted, the hypochondriac is constantly getting colds (although it’s always referred to as the flu) and other intermittent illnesses. And there is usually some form of ongoing quasi-illness such as a gluten intolerance and/or chronic fatigue thrown in for good measure. This allows a sicky to be taken at any time, even without any obvious symptoms of being unwell. These are the people who get sick because they “sit next to an airconditioner”.

The shameless slacker- this is the person who is always calling sick on Mondays and Fridays, even with the obvious dodgy implications of doing so. In rare cases, the shameless slacker can be so brazen as to call in sick the days preceding or following a long holiday weekend. Although the giant balls award goes to a colleague of mine who called in sick on the Monday following her 2 week holiday to a Pacific Island. The shameless slacker relies on the laziness and lack of accountability in public sector managers to never get called out for their behaviour. Good luck trying that shtick at the factory.

The family man- this is the guy who is constantly taking leave because a member of their family is sick, and they have to stay home to look after them. And typically, it turns into an ongoing cycle of sickness within the family, where as soon as the child is well, one of the parents has picked up the same bug and they need to stay home. And children being the little petrie dishes that they are, no sooner is the adult recovered than the kids down with something again. Throw in all the times you have to leave work early or come in late to take the kid to pre-school/pick them up/take them to the doctor and so forth, and you probably only need to work about 7 hours a week. This cycle breeds a sense of entitlement to near-unlimited sick leave, as shown in a guy I know who, on a scheduled day of annual leave, called in to say that he was instead looking after a sick child so would take the annual leave the following day.

However, just because you don’t fit into any of these archetypal sick day categories, don’t let that stop you from having a breather at home. I worked with a guy who called in sick one day via a message on the bosses phone. The reason given was, and I shit you not, this was the actual message:

Sorry I can’t come in today as my cat has had an epileptic fit and bit me on the finger.