1-800 Doctorb - the b is for bargain!

Just down the road is a mobile dog grooming service. Their truck is parked out the front, emblazoned with their catchy phone number- 876-DOGY

Huh?

Seattle

Going to Seattle next weekend! Woo!

Kickboxing

I had my first sparring session in the ring today... obviously I got owned.

Sick freaks

How do people do this kind of shit? I hope that karma deals to whoever did this. I know karma exists in these situations- just ask Blair about the snail that exerted its revenge on him...

Kitten nailed to fence

17.05.05 6.00am

Animal welfare advocates say they are appalled after a 9-week-old kitten was found nailed to a fence by its paws in Porirua yesterday morning. The tabby's neck had been broken and its abdomen slit open. Wellington SPCA animal manager Dr David Probert said an animal welfare inspector had been alerted by a resident and the kitten had probably died before it was nailed to the fence. Police would be notified.

A big week for the couch potato

It's a big week on the screen:

• today is the release of Team America (uncut!) on DVD. I already have my copy
• Star Wars Episode 3 is released in 2 days
• the season finale of CSI on Friday is directed by Quentin Tarantino.

Goodbye belt!

Mmmmm summer

It's now jandal weather here. 2 summers in a row for me- I could get used to this!

Mmmmm frapalicious

I just had a mint-chocolate chip frappucino!

Don't worry- it was free

On a serious note

Since I have been away I have been following the news back home (at least as closely as one can from here), and one of the most interesting stories has been the 111 call centre scandal. Of course, this is nothing new, as this issue was building a lot of momentum before I even left. Now an independent review has come out with 60+ recommendations to repair the fundamental problems with the system, for which the government will stump up around $45million.

Of course, even more damning than a list of recommendations is the point that at least one person has been killed, and a number more seriously injured as a direct result of problems with the 111 system. And this comes on top of general policing problems such as cops being used a cash generators amd criminal investigators being diverted to traffic duty.

Yet after all this, both the Commissioner and Minister of Police are still in their jobs. No resignations or sackings. How much do you have to screw something up before you or your employer does the honourable thing?

Annoying catchphrases

My last post on irony has struck a chord. Let's all take a moment to reflect on those totally banal, idiotic and infuriating meaningless catch-phrases that people love to bandy about. Feel free to add your own... I'll post the best contributions. There may even be a prize for the best (i.e. worst) one!

My most hated sayings:

• Giving 110% (or any number over 100)
• I'm an individual
• That's just your opinion
• Living life to the fullest
• I'm not religious but I am spiritual
• Very unique
• Pro-active
• Hells yeah
• rofl/lol/lmao (especially when someone lols at every sentence)

It was, like, literally ironic

There are few words that used incorrectly more often than 'irony'. I was reminded of this watching the news the other night, where a reported talked about a man who had been the victim of a hit and run driver, so the family were holding a candlelight vigil for him "ironically at the very scene of the accident."

Irony is when the actual meaning of a word, phrase or occurence is the opposite of its literal meaning. For example, if you give your wife flowers to show that you love her, but she assumes that it is because you have done something bad and gets pissed at you, is ironic.

However, just because something is odd, funny or unexpected does not make it ironic. Perhaps the most well-known example of misunderstanding of the word irony is by Alanis Morisette. According to Alanis, the following things are 'ironic':

• 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
• A black fly in your Chardonnay
• A death row pardon two minutes too late
• A man who is afraid to fly dying in a plane crash

NONE of these are ironic. They may be unfortunate, or examples of Murphy's Law, but irony they ain't. In fact, a man who is afraid to die being killed in a plane crash is the OPPOSITE of irony. Of course, Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morisette sold over 15million albums, so what would I know.

The irony of it all is that what Alanis is saying in her lyrics really is ironic, because they are not examples of irony at all. Yeah.

The same goes for the word "literally". If something is literal then it really did happen. You can literally jump for joy, but you cannot literally be gutted and be talking about it later.

Why do people have to be so stupid?

Weekend mayhem vol.IV

No guns, drugs or beatings this weekend, but some old codger did manage to "lose control" of his car and send it hurtling into a 7-11 store about 2 blocks from my house. I saw the shop front, and it is set back about 10 metres from the road, so it was quite a feat to make it through the shop front and in to the dorito display at the back of the store. Unfortunately, he managed to collect a 7-11 staff member on his way.

Accuse me of generalising if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

Public service announcement

If your pink trackpants are so tight that anyone walking behind you can see the cellulite dimples in your ass, then it is time to consider either baggier pants or cutting down on frappuchinos.

Feel the burn!

I *heart* my dog

The other day I saw a man walking his toy dog, which was dressed in a little doggy sweater. Nothing unusual there (for Vancouver at least). However, this doggy sweater had "bling" spelled out in diamantes.

Where's my gun?

Canadian sensibilities

Watching North American television is an exercise in frustration. Firstly, are there an incredibile amount of ads. Normal programming goes something like this:

• Ad break
• End of programme 1
• Ad break
• Close credits of programme 1 (with ads placed next to credits)
• Open credits of programme 2
• Ad break

Which means you have 3 ad breaks for essentially one scene of television.

It only gets worse when you are watching a movie, as the ad breaks are placed based on the clock, not on convenient breaks between scenes. So during "Apocalypse Now" they cut to an ad break in the middle of the helicopter attack sequence set to 'ride of the valkyries'. An ad break in the middle of one of the most powerful scenes of all time. Way to ruin the atmosphere.

And then we have censorship. Everything get cut out. Last night I was watching 'Dumb and Dumber', and the following scenes were cut out (remember that the movie is hardly explicit to begin with):

• urinating in to a bottle
• getting punched in the nuts
• woman with flashing lights for breasts

You get the idea.

You will also note that if you carry an open beer bottle down the street, even if you are just outside a bar, you will get ticketed and fined. However, openly selling drugs and snoking pot in public is ignored. Go figure.

Moral of the story: getting people to buy the lastest car/medicine/burger = good. Boobs = bad.