Side effects may include death

If you ever want to give yourself a good case of the heebie-jeebies, then visit a travel doctor and tell them you’re planning a visit to Africa.

The doctor’s recommendations fall into 3 categories- the mandatory (i.e. you can’t get back into the country without proof of this vaccine), the recommended (you’ve got a reasonable chance of coming across this) and the nice-to-haves (very unlikely but how risk-averse are you).

Regardless of the risk category, the description of each potential illness fits the same basic template – “this is a microscopic organism which is undetectable, untreatable and normally fatal”. Great.

But the best is malaria treatment. You get a range of options, each of which is perfect for the backpacker travelling around Africa:

Option A- no side-effects, but this a daily tablet which costs $10 per dose. Given that you have to take your medication 3 weeks prior and post Africa, you’re looking at $70 a week for 14 weeks. Next.

Option B- this is a one a week dose, so it’s got convenience on its side. You may experience some psychiatric disturbances, however, including depression and hallucinations. Anecdotally, I’ve heard of people going mental on the tour bus and ripping all their clothes off in some kind of anti-malarial mania. Although the 12 Kenyan ales you were drinking in the back seat may have been a factor.

Option C- this is a daily pill, and has the unfortunate side-effect of making you photo-sensitive. Real handy for a trip to Africa.

The good doctor also kitted me out with a handy travel pack, which contains all kinds of first aid treatment and medication. It also includes a reference book, which guides you through symptoms and the appropriate treatment options.

Although I did wonder if the “diarrhoea treatment flow chart” could have reworded…