It's not the Tour de France

Sports and hobbies are all about the kit. Everyone loves acquiring gadgets and equipment to help them out with their chosen interest. Like gardening? Well you better get one of those new titanium-coated garden forks. Weekend warrior at the gym? Better make sure you have your special under armour compression clothing and designer workout gear. And of course the real reason why you can’t hit a golf ball is because you need one of those new King Cobra drivers, with club face calibrated to your individual swing.

But there’s something about cyclists that set them well apart from the field when it comes to decking themselves out in full professional level garb. Any time you see some recreational cyclist out for a leisurely ride they are always decked out in full professional kit- shoes with pedal clips, lycra bike pants, tour racing shirt, one of those water bottles with hose attached to the back. The works. Nevermind that it’s just a bunch of 50-something men cycling down to the local café for a muffin and chai latte.

And the lyrca shorts. What an eye sore. I can understand why you need to wear them when you do a lot of riding, but can’t you chuck a pair of shorts over the top when you’re in public? I’m not happy about the number of times some ageing cyclist’s spandex-encased meat and veg has clip-clopped past my café table, right at eye level. And it’s even invading the work place, as the cycle-commuters parade themselves around the bathroom wearing only their bike pants. Not the best sight in the world before you’ve had your morning coffee.

It’s like wearing budgie smugglers at the beach because you fancy yourself one of the surf boat crew and then keeping them on for the rest of the day while you do your grocery shopping. Nevermind that you just traumatised some small child in the deli section with your version of prepackaged ham-off-the-bone, because you’re an athlete, dammit.