Waiter! This steak tartare is rare!

Great timing. A couple of days ago I’m wondering why we need an awareness campaign for people to avoid being hit by the ball at the cricket. Cos, you know, cricket balls sailing over the boundary kinda goes with the territory.

But the Italians have topped that. In a classic case of I-got-what-I-asked-for-and-I-don’t-like-it, the Italians are upset that people are getting scared from horror movies. People go and see horror movies to get scared. That’s the point. So the basis of their complaint is that the movie is too good.

A good round of awareness campaigns should solve this issue. People need to get warnings about the movies they are planning to see, such as:

Avatar- warning: this movie contains characters recycled from movies I made 20 years ago, a plot ripped from Disney, and so much ham that any Jews in the audience would be better off eating a bacon-wrapped porkchop than watching this.

Die Hard- warning: this movie is about guns, explosions, cheesy one-liners as villains are dispatched, and stars a gruff anti-hero who oozes machismo. This is NOT a movie about a sensitive young woman who overcomes adversity and an abusive partner to become happy again, and who finds that true happiness is in the hearts of her children.

Anything starring Matthew McConaughey- warning: this movie is about a self-centred douche bag who uses women and will never fall in love, but you’ll be surprised to learn despite a wager to the contrary, he finds love where he least expects it.

Luckily, there are selfless politicians watching out for the poor children who may have found the horror movie too, err, horrifying.

The head of the Italian parliamentary committee on the rights of children said “if it's too late to impose an age ban, we should put in place some sort of warning, particularly for parents, so that they are aware of the risks.”

And the name of this watchdog? Alessandra Mussolini, who is described as a right-wing politician. Well, she’d have to be really.