How not to behave at an art exhibition.

Mock the banality of a new exhibit, with reference to childhood cartoon shows, within earshot of the artist.

The fragile ego of the artist is easily broken. Next time I'll be sure to nod and murmur appreciatively, lest I accidentally offend an unheralded genius of our time.

Famine to feast

Last week I didn't work at all. This week I am in the midst of working 12 consecutive days.,

A little consistency- that's all I'm asking.

High Society

Tonight I make my long-overdue debut in the high-fallutin social circles of the cultural elite as I attend the opening of the new Picasso exhibition.

Now I just need to decide if I am going to work my way into the landed-wealth aristocracy or the ranks of the nouveau-riche scum.

La de da.

Upcoming shows

On the agenda for the concert-goer this month are:

• The Arcade Fire
• Depeche Mode
• The Dandy Warhols

Providing I can scrape together enough cash of course.

Crematorium tip of the day

Here's a useful piece of advice- don't put your hand on any metal surfaces which have been inside a 1000 degree oven. It smarts.

I love public transport

There's nothing like a ride on public transport for a reminder of why one has such a low opinion of the human population.

My most recent journey saw me wedged between 2 such shining examples of outstanding humanity. The woman on my left was of such large proportion that she *literally* spilled over into my seat, allowing part of her person to rest upon my leg. The woman on my right did not touch me, but still assaulted my senses by reeking of alcohol at 1.30pm.

The SUV drivers may be poisoning the planet, but at least the only thigh flab hanging on their seat is their own.