How to get laid in the public service

Marital relations – expressions of interest

1. This document seeks expressions of interest from suitable parties for the provision of marital relations. This includes, but is not limited to: kissing, light petting, heavy petting and intercourse.

Services

2. The services requested shall be for a minimum of 2 minutes, but no more than 15 minutes, in recognition of the government’c current commitments to the Rugby World Cup.

Expressions of Interest

3. All of expressions of interest must itemise the services that will be provided, along with expected costs and disbursements (such as post-coital spooning, conversation, affirmations of affection)

Evaluation criteria

4. All expressions of interest shall be evaluated by a panel consisting of representatives from tangate whenua, environmental organisations and industry. The department will oversee this evaluation of all applications, and may record these evaluations if the standard is high enough.
5. Expressions of interest will be scored to an overall net national benefits model, which seeks to maximise benefits while minimising transaction costs for the department (value for money)

Preferred supplier

6. The department has an ongoing relationship with a preferred service provider in this area. However, in recognition of the government’s market development agenda, expressions of interest from alternatives providers are welcome. The department especially welcomes new entrants to the market, in the interests of building capacity in this area.